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Unschooling has nothing to do with school

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My family and I just returned from an unschooling conference/gathering that was held in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. This was our fourth unschooling event in the past three years. I am still feeling the love that was radiating at this gathering. I have been an advocate for respectful parenting for a few years now. I believe that as parents, it is our responsibility to heal our own childhood wounds while parenting our children mindfully and loving them for exactly who they are. Mindful parenting led my family to the unschooling path.

I felt very emotional at the gathering. I was either in tears, or on the verge of tears almost the whole time that we were there. I really couldn't put into words the emotions that I was feeling, except to know that they came from a place very deep inside me. I believe that my emotions stemmed from a deep wound of my own, one that told me I am not okay as I am. At this gathering, I felt deep in my soul that I am more than okay exactly how I am. This was a place where I felt accepted for exactly who I am, and my kids were as well. Being surrounded by people who treat their children respectfully and who see their child's unique gifts no matter what they may look like to others, was overwhelmingly beautiful. I felt so joyful and happy, and very weepy.

I know that the place deep in my soul was feeling loved in a way that we were all meant to be loved and nurtured. I felt so grateful to be blessed with this gift. This is what I strive for in my everyday life with my children. I want them to know that they are perfect exactly how they are.

I wish that I could write the "vision" that I have in my head of these beautiful children running around in pure bliss. They do not have the "hang-ups" that many schooled children have. They are not afraid to be exactly who they were meant to be. To them, it is not an option to be someone they are not. They will not conform to someone else's idea of who they should be. They have the freedom to discover what they love. They act on instinct, they are internally motivated to do things that they are passionate about. When they get tired of something, they move on.

People that are passionate about their lives are people that are going to help change the world for the better. I thought to myself over and over while at the gathering that I wish I could announce to the whole world how wonderful unschooling is for everyone! It is life, it really has nothing to do with school. It is living, being, and experiencing all that is our world. It is being loved just because you are you. It is about being our child's partner on this journey they are having while discovering their world. It is being a loving presence when they need help navigating.

The best gift each of us can give the world is to be emotionally healthy in ourselves so that we are able to be with other people in a conscious loving way. I do believe world peace begins with our children. Unschooling allows children to live authentically from that place deep in their soul that tells them they are perfect exactly how they are.

I write about my experiences with unschooling, personal growth, mindful parenting, meditation, my journey through chronic depression, and more, on my website www.benurtured.com. I hope you will visit me.

posted by joyfulparent on 6/22/2009 1:24 pm | COMMENTS (11)

Comments (10)

Well Said, my Dear, Dear Friend!!

posted by merialiss on 6/22/2009 11:14 pm

This article does not explain what "unschooling" is.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling

As badly misguided as I believe "unschooling" is, I agree that "The best gift each of us can give the world is to be emotionally healthy in ourselves so that we are able to be with other people in a conscious loving way." In fact, a comprehensive, religiously unbiased education is the keystone tool in bringing that about.

Just one example: It is incumbent on everyone to understand the history of WW II and the Holocaust, that it may never happen again.

posted by TG on 6/23/2009 5:09 pm

To the commenter above: I am an unschooling parent, and I believe unschooling can be as misguided as any other form of education can be. The wikipedia definition sums up unschooling as: "unschoolers typically allow children to learn through their natural life experiences, including game play, household responsibilities, and social interaction."

If this were all there was to it, nobody would learn about WWII and the Holocaust, and that would be a very bad thing. Unschoolers learn about history, geography, math, biology, etc. They just learn it without textbooks or set schedules or grades. They may pick up pieces of information from films, novels, nonfiction books, conversations, or references in song lyrics. Then, with an observant parent nearby, they explore the topic further. The fact that they have learned in evident in how they speak or write about the tpoic whenever it comes up the next time.

Committed, attuned parents are the key to unschooling in its best form.

posted by sgaissert on 6/23/2009 5:30 pm

Be a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in life.

As joyfulparent says, parenting is "about being our child's partner on this journey they are having while discovering their world. It is being a loving presence when they need help navigating."

It also means being very conscious that, as parents, we potentially interfer with whom our child is. That can not be until we are very conscious of how our own parents have interfered with whom we were meant to be (and how we have coped with it) and the subsequent beliefs we have nurtured.

Being our own parent, with benevolence but without complaisance, is the first step, a very difficult one for we often don't realize that we are thinking and acting against ourselves.

Just being conscious of it is a very good start ; and most often, without them knowing, children feel that our approach of them is different and respectful.

More specifically on unschooling (or homeschooling): It offers many benefits that are the pendant of the inconvenience of schooling, the most damageable of which are "normalization" and "competition" or "competitivity" as our economic world prefers to put it. I believe schooling should learn from unschooling, for the best of our children's future.

Last but not least, a word for Joyfulparent: I have stopped long ago to believe that things happen by accident; and it is coming back from a worksession on understanding better my own emotionnal wounds and subsequent beliefs (that prevent me of achieving a life project) that I read your blog and discovered your website. Thank you!!! We'll probably be in touch again.

Cheers.

posted by Kerlisa on 6/24/2009 2:25 pm

TG: I understand that unschooling can be difficult to understand when coming from a traditional schooling background. That's where I started. It really comes down to trusting our children. They come into the world knowing how to learn, i.e. walking, talking, etc. That doesn't stop when they turn a certain age. Humans are naturally curious, they want to know about the world they live in.

I saw the definition of unschooling that you added to your post. That is one definition-there are many, depending upon the family. It looks different for each family, because no two families are alike. That is the beauty of unschooling, every individual is honored for who they are, therefore, each experience is different. Each child learns that they are perfect exactly how they are. Unschooling is a way of life, it is following the natural path of learning that is intrinsic to all of us, unless we learn not to trust our own path.

In my post, I was trying to explain that unschooling really isn't about "school" in the sense that we need to have curriculum and somebody else's agenda. We follow each child's passions. When we follow our passions, we are truly honoring ourselves, which in my opinion is what makes us feel happy and fulfilled. Happy and fulfilled people make for a happier and more peaceful world. Children that are forced and coerced into learning things that they are not interested in are not happy and fulfilled. They also do not retain most of the information. My definition of unschooling is being able to trust each other and honor each other, loving and accepting our children for exactly who they are, while knowing that they are learning exactly what they need to learn in their own time.

There can be misconceptions of unschooling. I have written more about what unschooling is in previous posts, such as, "Unschooling leads to children discovering their passions". Some people have the idea that it means just leaving your kids to figure out everything on their own without having a partner to help them discover new things and find answers to their questions. This is not true at all! Unschooling is bonding deeply with your child and being there for them in whatever way they need. It is a very hands on approach. Unschooling does not force someone else's ideas of what is important onto the child.

When we are able to step outside the box, wonderful things happen. Traditional parenting and schooling needs to be challenged, in my opinion. It isn't working so well anymore. It is obvious that we are evolving as humans. Many people are seeking more peaceful ways to be in this world. Peace can be achieved starting with the treatment of our children. It helps me to compare how an adult would react to some of the things children have to endure. How well do I respond when someone tries to force me to do something? I shut down, and I stop feeling connected to that person. I resist, I feel resentful. It is the same for children. We have to look at the bigger picture-why do some have the belief that we must endure school or other situations to make us "stronger" or smarter? What if there is a more gentle, more connecting approach that allows humans to connect on a deeper level? Why would that route be wrong? Ode magazine brings about questioning the norm-this is one of those subjects that needs examining. Let's question and make changes to what isn't working, and allow new ways to evolve.

As for certain subjects that must be learned, I don't believe we "have to" learn certain things. Yes, it is important to be aware of certain things. The wonderful part about unschooling is that connections are made everyday. We may run across something that mentions the Holocaust, or WW II, and then my kids will ask about it and we will do research. The beauty is that they retain it, because it came to them and they were curious to know more. My experience from school was that it was forced on me, therefore when my kids asked, I didn't remember many details. I learned along with my kids all of the facts that had been forgotten. You really can't live without learning. Living is learning.

posted by joyfulparent on 6/24/2009 3:03 pm

Kerlisa: Thank you for your beautiful post. You are so right about discovering our own wounds. Through many painful times realizing my own hurt, I discovered a new, wonderful way to be with my own children. I am grateful for that every minute of my life.

Thank you for letting me know that you are out there reading my site. I do hope that we will be in touch again.

In gratitude.

posted by joyfulparent on 6/24/2009 3:09 pm

This is so cool! I didnt know there really was a name for it. It was just something we decided was right to do with a change in our consciousness!

I am so happy to meet you and learn about this. Now I can my family a name for it: UNSCHOOLING - yes, it is to let my daughter just BE IN BLISS.

Thank you so much for this post!

Sky

posted by Sky on 6/26/2009 4:25 am

Sky- I love your definition! Be In Bliss! So nice to meet you here!

Amie

posted by joyfulparent on 6/26/2009 2:13 pm

Hey there joyfulparent---a friend sent me the link to you blog thinking I would enjoy it.....and I have. Immensely.

You echo many of the sentiments in my own heart. I am so convinced that TRUE education must first begin by looking within and asking oneself, "Who did God create me to be?" or perhaps "What makes me come alive?"

Our conformity driven educational models are long over due for a remake and the damage it's done to so many is apparent when one considers how many folks are miserable in their jobs....and in their lives.

God bless! Theresa

posted by TheMotherLode on 6/27/2009 1:23 pm

Hi Theresa, I'm so glad that your friend told you about my blog! I love "what makes me come alive"? I happen to use that statement quite often myself when I am feeling off center. That really is it, isn't it? I agree 100% that true education starts with this question.

Yes, so many people that are miserable in their jobs, very sad. If all of us could be honored for who we are, starting as children, our world would look very different right now. I feel hopeful that this is slowly happening.

Wonderful to "meet" you! Amie

posted by joyfulparent on 6/27/2009 11:46 pm